Never-Gonna-Happen-Land

fuckyeahlaughters: teenytigress: SO THIS GUY IN MY ENGLISH IS...

Fri, 24 May 2013 16:48:37 +0200

teenytigress:

SO THIS GUY IN MY ENGLISH IS DOING A PROJECT FOR BIO WHERE HE GETS A DUCKLING TO IMPRINT ON HIM SO HE JUST CARRIES IT AROUND WITH HIM TO ALL OF HIS CLASSES AND I SWEAR THIS DUCK IS THE MOST WELL BEHAVED FUCKING POULTRY IVE EVER SEEN IT JUST SITS ON HIS DESK QUIETLY AND SOMETIMES HE PUTS IT IN HIS POCKET AND IT JUST SLEEPS LIKE WOW YOU GO DUCKY

fafarinn: Cherry blossoms in full bloom at Mount Yoshino,...

Fri, 24 May 2013 16:02:08 +0200

fafarinn:

Cherry blossoms in full bloom at Mount Yoshino, Nara, Japan

thebatteur: once in kindergarten a girl asked me to write “super girl” on her arm since i was the...

Fri, 24 May 2013 16:01:31 +0200

thebatteur:

once in kindergarten a girl asked me to write “super girl” on her arm since i was the only kid who could write so i wrote “shit” on her arm and i hid under the table for like 30 minutes then the teacher found me and yelled at me then called my parents and my dad laughed so hard he cried

isobelstevenz: Favourite Chuck Ships - Chuck and Sarah Chuck,...

Fri, 24 May 2013 15:55:22 +0200

isobelstevenz:

Favourite Chuck Ships - Chuck and Sarah

Chuck, you’re a gift. You’re a gift I never dreamed I could want or need. And everyday I will show you that you’re a gift that I deserve. You make me the best person I could ever hope to be. And I want to spend, and learn, and love the rest of my life with you.

hipsterinatardis: Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a...

Fri, 24 May 2013 15:48:14 +0200

hipsterinatardis:

Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you’re in.

yurihooves: i have two sneezes the fairy princess sneeze and the death metal sneeze

Fri, 24 May 2013 15:47:19 +0200

yurihooves:

i have two sneezes

the fairy princess sneeze

and the death metal sneeze

shittyme: ionlyblogturtles: livingmywayeveryday: vickified:...

Fri, 24 May 2013 15:46:07 +0200

shittyme:

ionlyblogturtles:

livingmywayeveryday:

vickified:

“If a clock could count down to the moment you meet your soul mate, would you want to know?”

lol yes, so then i can shave.

Has anyone written a book about this yet? I think it’d be interesting!!!!!!

     One minute, 37 seconds.
     My legs are shaking. Holy cow, there is no way I can do this. None.
     One minute, 29 secods.
     I glance around at the faces surrounding the room. Of course my Meeting would take place in the gross, overcrowded cafeteria.
     One minute, six seconds.
     Somewhere within these four walls, someone has the exact same countdown on their wrist. They’re going through the exact same pressure as me.
      54 seconds.
     Mom said I should be excited, not nervous. Yet I still find myself wiping my sweaty palms on my dress. I can’t believe she talked me into wearing a dress. I mean, shouldn’t my Soul Mate meet me as I normally am? All plain jeans, blah shirts, and wild brown curls?
     30 seconds.
     Something deep within me tells me to stand up. I do, drawing the attention of my tablemates. They all know too. They smile encouragingly up at me. I chew my lip nervously.
     25 seconds.
     That same feeling pulls me towards the center of the room. My stomach drops away from me as I take a step in that direction.
     20 seconds.
     I continue in that direction. With each step the tempo of my heart picks up.
     19. Faster.
     18. Quicker.
     17. More rapid.
     16. It’s racing.
     Oh my god this is it. The moment my life changes forever.
     My eyes search frantically around the cafeteria, searching for someone who looks as nervous as me. For someone who’s heading towards their future with no sense of direction like me.
     10 seconds.
     The feeling directs me slightly to the left. I turn to accomodate.
     5. My heart has given up entirely.
     4. I stop walking.
     3. Just waiting left.
     2. Everything is about to change.
     1. Deep breath.

     0000 d 00 h 00 m 00 s

     Someone bumps my shoulder. I twirl around and my gray eyes meet blue, blue ones.
     “Hello there, love. It appears as though we’re Soul Mates then, eh?”
     As my words fail me, the only thing I can think is “I’m so glad I shaved this morning.”

^^^ THIS IS AMAZING

What is this?It’s just me not taking you for granted.

Fri, 24 May 2013 15:45:03 +0200

What is this?
It’s just me not taking you for granted.

side effects of being friends with me include gaining extensive knowledge of tv shows you dont...

Fri, 24 May 2013 15:43:03 +0200

side effects of being friends with me include gaining extensive knowledge of tv shows you dont watch or care about

phoenix-cry: quimbycub: eurovisiondenmark: toxeh: cynicalslee...

Fri, 24 May 2013 15:42:41 +0200

phoenix-cry:

quimbycub:

eurovisiondenmark:

toxeh:

cynicalsleeper:

this is the best thing that appeared on my dash today

I’m giggling like an idiot help.

Hahahhaha I feel like this every time I speak german in school. IT’S AWESOME!

Can we just talk about how an ambulance is called a “Kraken Wagon”?

No, no, it’s “Krankenwagen”.

Also, that’s because we’re special, yo. ;P

“I think people are fascinated with breasts that bounce. They...

Fri, 24 May 2013 15:40:26 +0200

“I think people are fascinated with breasts that bounce. They are so used to seeing [fake ones], My breasts have a life of their own…People are confused [that mine bounce].”

watsonsstripeyjumper: theweepyfox: geometricdeathtrap: So I needed a way to alert the class that...

Fri, 24 May 2013 15:37:27 +0200

watsonsstripeyjumper:

theweepyfox:

geometricdeathtrap:

So I needed a way to alert the class that I was going to be showing graphic pictures of genitals on my presentation so I decided that putting this on the slide before would work

I want this on a shirt.

I wasn’t looking properly and i thought it said hit the dick

Photo

Fri, 24 May 2013 15:36:12 +0200

wanderlustingthoughts: Look at this tree, man. The Angel Oak...

Fri, 24 May 2013 15:35:08 +0200

wanderlustingthoughts:

Look at this tree, man.

The Angel Oak Tree is estimated to be in excess of 1500 years old, stands 66.5 ft (20 m) tall, measures 28 ft (8.5 m) in circumference, and produces shade that covers 17,200 square feet (1,600 m2). From tip to tip Its longest branch distance is 187 ft.

jaesama: It sucks when you want to rant about a book or series to someone, but none of your friends...

Fri, 24 May 2013 15:32:32 +0200

jaesama:

It sucks when you want to rant about a book or series to someone, but none of your friends are interested in it so you just lie there in fetal position all lost and confused with no one to turn to.

superawesomeshop: Doll House Food and Dioramas by mousemarket

Fri, 24 May 2013 15:30:20 +0200

superawesomeshop:

Doll House Food and Dioramas by mousemarket

best-of-funny: dicksoclock: oh god so earlier today my dad and i came back from grocery shopping...

Fri, 24 May 2013 15:29:20 +0200

best-of-funny:

dicksoclock:

oh god so earlier today my dad and i came back from grocery shopping and we were putting everything away and he pulls my a box of my tampons out of the bag and turns to me and says

“where do these go?”

and there was kind of this awkward moment of silence before i went “…my vagina”

and then he kind of just fell over and nearly cried

and was like “WHICH CUPBOARD ASDGHJ”

X

may-or-may-not-contain-nuts: stolenpandorica: elisetheawesome: kyoukokiriqiri: why do we call...

Fri, 24 May 2013 15:28:45 +0200

may-or-may-not-contain-nuts:

stolenpandorica:

elisetheawesome:

kyoukokiriqiri:

why do we call periods “periods” when we can call them something cooler like “bloodstain fever”

or ”the crimson horror”

are u guys okay

“shark week”

Photo

Fri, 24 May 2013 15:27:43 +0200

Photo

Thu, 23 May 2013 21:56:08 +0200